Recently, I have been absolutely astounded by God's goodness. Spending 72 hours in His presence with a group of Godly women on the Walk to Emmaus helped me realize it, too.
Seven months ago on a Friday evening, I knelt in the small, mildewy chapel with garbage bag walls at Camp Acton, praising God in the most surreal worship I've ever experienced. I knelt at that altar and begged God to hear me from heaven and answer my request for a baby. As I sat on that concrete floor in the presence of God, crying so hard snot ran from nose and I didn't care who watched me, my precious friend Kristin knelt beside me and began praying the exact words I had just been pouring out to God in silence. I cried even harder. As the worship team sang "Revelation Song", I sang in unhindered worship with my hands in the air, surrendering to His goodness and believing in His faithfulness.
Almost seven months to the day, I stood in that chapel again. As we gathered for worship this Friday evening I couldn't help but remember the tears I had shed on that altar just a few months earlier. The room was filled with the Holy Spirit and the presence of God. Not out of coincidence, but by divine planning, the worship team began to play "Revelation Song" and I smiled because there is just something about that song being sung in that little moldy chapel that invites the presence of God. There is something about getting away from the padded pews and stained glass masquerade of the modern American church. I feel like I've returned to the church's roots- spending quality time with Jesus in a dingy, dimly lit room with nothing more than a hard seat and my Bible. I imagine that's exactly how the disciples and the early church spent their time with Him... minus the Bible. :)
At 29 weeks, my belly often changes shapes as the little man moves around. I can feel his feet or hands or elbows or a big stick he's carried in their with him in my ribs. He moves constantly... but as the music of that beautiful song started and I stood in praise, my precious son leapt inside me. More than the usual somersaults and kick-boxing I experience throughout the day, my sweet child was dancing! I have never been so overcome with God's faithfulness. Seven months ago I knelt before God in this very room, singing this very song, praying that He would bless us with a child and there I stood, carrying a healthy baby boy, standing in that same room singing the same song. How awesome is our God? How faithful is He?!
Some could say that the little man liked the loud music and was reacting to my singing... but this momma knows better. My sweet baby is a promise from God and a picture of His faithfulness. I know he felt the presence of God and it was almost as if he was saying, "Hey, mom, I know this song!" I can't help but say it again- how awesome is our God, that even the unborn know how to praise Him. My sweet husband encouraged me to enjoy these last eleven weeks and I have committed to doing just that. Carrying this precious boy is such a blessing and I am ashamed that I have spent entire weeks complaining and taking it for granted.
We debated about sharing his name for a long time. But, after finding out it's meaning, I can't help but share it with you... hopefully my hubby forgives me :). We chose to name him Perry Dane, both very special family names. After pouring through Bible names, none of them seemed to fit. After reading about the meaning of Kristin and Benson's sweet girl's name, I decided to look up Dane's. Perry means a "foreigner" or "traveler", which at first was a connotation I wasn't too pleased with. I wanted him to have a name that connotated stability. But add Dane, a form of the name Dean, which means "church official". A traveling church official... some would call that a missionary, I think. A coincidence that God has burdened our hearts with the Great Commission to GO (which by the way is a command... but that's another post) and make disciples? A coincidence that we want to raise this sweet boy with a heart for the hurting, to serve the least of these and be the hands and feet of Jesus to the ends of the earth? I think not. Hope you don't mind, Dane, looks like your career may have been chosen for you before you even take your first breath in this world.
Forever God is faithful. And He is always, always Good.