Wednesday, August 22, 2012

slow down

I went to bed last night thinking about how I’ve neglected this blog. I try to keep up with photos and stories about Dane, but it’s been a long time since I wrote about the things God was doing in our life and spent any amount of time contemplating on devotional thoughts. 

My job before becoming a stay at home mom included many, many hours alone in a car driving the highways and byways of Kentucky visiting donors and friends of the college I worked for.  It also provided me a quiet office where, at the end of the day, I could sit at my computer and put to ink (um, keystroke) all of the thoughts that had raced through my mind that day. I had a dedicated quiet time with the Lord every morning at 5:30am. I treasured my mornings with two puppies in my lap, a cup of coffee and a quiet house to read and spend time with the Lord. Then as I spent the day in the car I would meditate on what I had read that morning and, NUMEROUS TIMES, whatever I had studied would play out in my day and make me so grateful I had communed with the Lord that morning because His word gave me exactly what I need to survive what came up or to minister to someone else because of what I had read. 

A year later, I seldom get time to myself, let alone time alone in a car to mull over my thoughts and the Lord’s leading. My “quiet time” often consists of reading a devotional from my study bible while I wrangle cheerios into a bowl and pick up a sippy cup off the floor over and over and over again. I am amazed though that even in those so very un-quiet times that God speaks to my heart. I am comforted by His Spirit that says, “It won’t be like this for long.” He reassures me that while we need more time together, Dane is already taking note of the importance of reading God’s word every day, even if it’s a few minutes during a hurried morning. 

God walks me through the day when I pray for patience with a child who is learning he has an opinion and that it can be asserted by throwing himself on the ground, smacking me or screaming when I yell at him (so I’m learning not to yell because I feel very undignified “arguing” with a 13 month old). He speaks to me through the words of a song --in the grocery store—and tells me that He’s there. Sidenote: Darius Rucker’s “It won’t be like this for long” came on in Kroger yesterday. The day after I spent some serious time (as in submitting  out resumes and applications online) contemplating going back to work full-time at a job in which I would have to commute over an hour. I cried in middle of the bakery aisle and I realized it really won’t be like this for long. Our budget is tight, I’m always tired and I’m wondering how you wean a toddler who shows zero desire to wean, but my heart would ache if I missed a single moment of vacuuming up cheerios, playing with playdoh on the kitchen floor or didn’t get to witness my boy and his daddy wrestle and play while daddy is home for lunch every day. 

The Lord is in the midst of everything I do—but I will only see that if I take the time to notice Him and feel His presence. He’s telling me all sorts of things and freeing me of things from which I need to be freed. 

Maybe the process is slower than usual…maybe--finally--I am slowing down, chilling out and enjoying the journey we’re on together.

1 comment:

Jeffandlesli said...

So true and insightful, however, one finds, at the end of the day, when you say "yes" to something (jobs, commuting, dry cleaning) one is really saying "no" to other, usually more important things (staying home and investing in HOMEMAKING, being 'there', seeing the growth of your children, being the main influence in their lives, learning humbleness as the Lord speaks to you through circumstance). And these things are only my opinion (based on years of study and practical application). It's rough and solely YOURS & TEVIE's decision to make. No judgement or disappointment here. You have to know if the Lord CALLS you to work, you have to follow Him. If not, you know He will care for each and every detail. Right down to the $.10 coupon for bleach (story behind that if you want it).