I have about a thousand other things to do and yet I sit here writing a blog post… I am a master procrastinator. A few weeks ago I “changed” jobs. I’ve been busy since I stepped foot in my new office and I love it. There’s just something about feeling productive that this type-A loves. However, I only love being busy with things I like doing… hypothetically, a grad school paper would not be something I would love to do and I would put it off until the very last minute. Choosing instead to write a blog post than do research or reading… hypothetically, of course.
When something is weighing on my mind I usually benefit best by putting it to words, that way it stops taking up space in my head where more important, grad-school-paper-type-thoughts should be resting.
I have mentioned before how God tends to use lots of repetition to get something through my head. My most recent revelation is no exception to that rule. And I guess isn’t really isn’t a recent revelation… since He’s been saying it for months and I'm just too dumb to listen! In January, Jesus woke Tevie and I up and we started following him a way that we haven’t before. After reading and studying, we realized that writing a tithe check every month is good and is service… for us, it wasn't enough. Now, I firmly believe that God convicts different people for different things at different times, so you may be serving Jesus to the fullest by sacrificially giving each month. What we wanted, what Jesus wanted from us, was to actively serve him… to be His hands and feet (which we all should be convicted to be, it’s biblical!).
It was around that time that He began laying the local pregnancy resource center on my heart. So, we started giving… when we remembered. And then I started taking donations of clothes and things by… when it was convenient. All the while praying, “God, put something in front of me that allows me to minister. Give me something to do.”
So, one month I sent dear sweet CJ, the president of the board of this little center, a note saying that I wanted to help out if they needed another hand. Now, I was thinking I could fold clothes, stack diapers, you know, the easy stuff. I almost fell out of my chair when she called and asked me to serve on the board! This was not what I had in mind. And so began my wrestling with God. If this is getting long and you want to know how it ends, I’ll tell you…. HE WINS! He always does!
I know you can sympathize with me here, and if you can’t my friend and OT prophet Jeremiah can. You see, God told Jeremiah that he was set apart and would be a prophet to the land. Jeremiah fell before the Lord saying, “I’m only boy and I don’t even know the right words, LORD!” But the Lord reached out and touched Jeremiah’s mouth and gave him the words to speak… gave him the words to speak. Don’t you love that?
God brought that story to mind as we wrestled. I said, “but Lord, I wasn’t a pregnant teenager, heck, I’m not even a mom!!! How on earth am I supposed to minister to these girls?” And do you know what He said? “You won’t find anything on this earth that will help you, Allysa. Not one thing. And you don’t have to know what to say because I will give you the words to speak.” Okay, Lord, sign me up!
And that’s when satan gets you, isn’t it? Ugh. he makes me so mad! I have prayed that my work as a fundraiser would be a ministry for me. I want for every donor to see Jesus in me… One thing this little center needs is some help in the fundraising department. “Now wait, Allysa”, satan slithers. “You don’t know the first thing about being a mom… you have no idea what these girls are going through. The center needs more help than you can give. You’ll be overwhelmed, go ahead and quit now while you're ahead. What you're doing is enough.”
Isn’t that where he gets us? “I’m doing enough…” Man oh man. I think the one who struggling under the weight of recognized sin is better off than the one who thinks she’s doing enough. I read my Bible enough, I’m nice enough, I did enough... If you ever hear those words come out of mouth, smack me, please! I don’t ever want to have enough of Jesus. We weren’t created for enough, we were created to desire more and more… to have life and have it ABUNDANTLY, not enough of it- an abundance of it. Praise the Lord for that!
Sitting in church on Sunday I felt as though I was a phone call with God. Everything was being spoken to me; don’t you hate that and LOVE it at the same time? So, there I was thinking I was good enough. I could help enough Lord. I’ll give them a little bit of my spare time, God. And that’s the speaker, Greg, says, “The King of Kings wasn’t too proud to ride into Jerusalem on the colt of donkey, so who are you to stay on your high horse.” OUCH! Ouch, ouch, ouch.
What I heard in that moment was this: “No, Allysa, you aren’t a mom, but your love of kids and desire to be a mommy will speak volumes to those girls. Yes, this is out of your comfort zone. These people won’t be impressed by your designer bags and fancy shoes, in fact they’ll see right through that. But if you’ll let me, Allysa, I’m going to use you in a way you’ve never thought possible.”
How many times have you told the Almighty that you couldn’t do it? How many times have you said, “I’m not enough, I don’t have what it takes”. I’ll just be honest, that’s a battle I've had with God my whole life. I find great comfort in these words from Jeremiah 1:
The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
6 “Alas, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young (or too big, too small, too dumb, too shy, or not a mom).”
7 But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD.
First, I am not quitting my job. I love it (and paying my mortgage) too much to do that. I am committing to use my talents and abilities as volunteer at the Agape House Pregnancy Resource Center. I hope that you will join me in prayer for Agape. Pray that the sweet smell of Jesus emanates from that place and draws the lost to Him. You should probably pray for the volunteers and other board members because they are going to have to deal with my bossy, Monica Geller-esque attitude, all in the name of Jesus, of course. :)
Believe that you're enough… because you are. The Bible says you were fearfully and wonderfully made. To steal another illustration from Greg: since when does the clay have the right to complain to the potter that they don’t like the shape He chose for them? He’s molding and making us into something so beautiful. You may be a little lopsided right now, but He’s smoothing that out and, trust me, it’s much easier if you relax and let His hands guide the wheel.
More than Enough in Jesus,