I went to bed last night thinking about how I’ve neglected this
blog. I try to keep up with photos and stories about Dane, but it’s been a long
time since I wrote about the things God was doing in our life and spent any
amount of time contemplating on devotional thoughts.
My job before becoming a stay at home mom included many,
many hours alone in a car driving the highways and byways of Kentucky visiting
donors and friends of the college I worked for. It also provided me a quiet office where, at the
end of the day, I could sit at my computer and put to ink (um, keystroke) all
of the thoughts that had raced through my mind that day. I had a dedicated
quiet time with the Lord every morning at 5:30am. I treasured my mornings with
two puppies in my lap, a cup of coffee and a quiet house to read and spend time
with the Lord. Then as I spent the day in the car I would meditate on what I had
read that morning and, NUMEROUS TIMES, whatever I had studied would play out in
my day and make me so grateful I had communed with the Lord that morning
because His word gave me exactly what I need to survive what came up or to minister
to someone else because of what I had read.
A year later, I seldom get time to myself, let alone time
alone in a car to mull over my thoughts and the Lord’s leading. My “quiet time”
often consists of reading a devotional from my study bible while I wrangle
cheerios into a bowl and pick up a sippy cup off the floor over and over and
over again. I am amazed though that even in those so very un-quiet times that God speaks to my heart. I am comforted by His
Spirit that says, “It won’t be like this for long.” He reassures me that while
we need more time together, Dane is already taking note of the importance of
reading God’s word every day, even if it’s a few minutes during a hurried morning.
God walks me through the day when I pray for patience with a
child who is learning he has an opinion and that it can be asserted by throwing
himself on the ground, smacking me or screaming when I yell at him (so I’m
learning not to yell because I feel very
undignified “arguing” with a 13 month old). He speaks to me through the words
of a song --in the grocery store—and tells me that He’s there. Sidenote: Darius
Rucker’s “It won’t be like this for long” came on in Kroger yesterday. The day
after I spent some serious time (as in submitting out resumes and applications online)
contemplating going back to work full-time at a job in which I would have to
commute over an hour. I cried in middle of the bakery aisle and I realized it really won’t be like this for long. Our budget
is tight, I’m always tired and I’m wondering how you wean a toddler who shows zero desire to wean, but my heart would ache
if I missed a single moment of vacuuming up cheerios, playing with playdoh on
the kitchen floor or didn’t get to witness my boy and his daddy wrestle and
play while daddy is home for lunch every day.
The Lord is in the midst of everything I do—but I will only
see that if I take the time to notice Him and feel His presence. He’s telling
me all sorts of things and freeing me of things from which I need to be freed.
Maybe the process is slower than usual…maybe--finally--I am slowing down,
chilling out and enjoying the journey we’re on together.
